It Was Once A Goal

” A cup of Java Chip Mocha, Grande please.” I swear that was the culprit for my weight gain over a semester. High school government examination sure was a stressful event when we were seventeen. Starbucks was the second library where I used to go for revision.

Suddenly, I came into realisation when I look into the mirror during my college year, “Damn girl, you’re growing horizontally!” I had to do something with it. Honestly, I was depressed because I’ve heard many comments on my body shape, not really good ones. I was intimidated to wear clothes that’ll show more skin to avoid others commenting.

I hoped my body shape was as perfect as the models in the magazines. For once I thought” fxck their opinions, I’m gonna wear whatever I like.” and finally summoned all my courage to wear a sleeveless top to hang around. Yupe, people were still commenting.

So, I’ve made up my mind to do whatever it takes to lose weight. I was around 52kg sometimes 53kg. You might not see me as fat rather a chubby girl. In fact, my BMI was in the normal range but my body fat has exceeded the range for my weight and was not in a good shape.

I started to visit the slimming center, skip meals, try different kinds of diets, fat burning supplements, slimming cream, pills, whichever you name it, I did it. Sometimes I do think I had an eating disorder because I’ve been purging but I wasn’t sure since I didn’t really check it with a doctor.

To be honest, it did show some result with the slimming programme. Wished to get the perfect body without giving efforts, blinded by the quick and easy scheme. It actually took way longer than I thought and costs too much money. I was literally young, dumb, and broke.

Trust me, you won’t stick to only one programme that you’ve signed up. There’ll be one after another, and infinite products to purchase. The weirdest thing is they told me “Don’t ever exercise, it wouldn’t help you but make you bulkier and heavier.” “Wait. What?! Any scientific evidence?” If you stopped the programme you’ll get back to your initial state. EASILY. That was what happened to me.

These photos are the before they took in the slimming center. It took me a lot of courage to open up, so NO JUDGING PLEASE!

Please allow me to criticize myself a little here. Bloated Tummy, big thigh, side fats, big wide butt, slouchy back, x-shaped legs, and flabby arms. I had so many dissatisfactions on my body.

The photo on the right is the chubbiest photo that I can find. I don’t have many photos to show because I hated to look at myself. I deleted most of the photos that looked fat/chubby. I wouldn’t even want to show my body so most of my photos were selfies *LOL*

Then, I started really working out and damn it works! Although it takes a lot of determination and persistence. It turned out that it is more sustainable where it became my lifestyle..

I lost some weight about 3 kg in 2 years not too much but my body fat percentage dropped from 28% to 18%. Lost a little bit of back and thigh fats with a deeper back line, toner arms and a bit of ab perhaps?

When I decided to ditch the thoughts of losing weight with quick and unhealthy regimens, I told myself that I should focus on toning up the body and not solely on reducing weight.

I started a better diet and been quite consistent in exercising. Meanwhile, the weight and body fat took care of itself.  It worked so much better and more sustainable than any other regimens. Although I still have arm fats and sometimes bloated tummy, I’m proud that I’ve achieved almost 80% of my goal and changed from a chubby girl to a “more defined” girl.  

2 thoughts on “It Was Once A Goal

  1. You’re doing a great job, in term of the determination to improve into a healthier lifestyle and the courageous to show your old photos.

    Totally agrees on the fact that “want getting something without paying efforts” is truly unrealistic. No pain no gain they said. The best way to get better shape is having healthier diet and consistent exercises.

    Moreover, you said you once feel depressed and have deleted most of the old photos. The best way to get rid of the “previous you” is to express the previous you in form of humor to yourself instead of feeling depressed on your previous appearance. “I was not fat! It’s just because baby fat haven’t disappeared after my infant stage “, just an example, i believe you can make a better version of it. Haha.

    In my opinion, you should have kept those old photos, because they, the previous “you”, have greatly proven your current achievement and improvement. They can even be your encouragement toward your friends who wish to change into a healthier lifestyle! Instead of delete the previous you, you should “accept” and thank the previous you, who have motivated the current you to forge a better future you, haha, so many of “you”. Keep those previous you, not afraid to be showing toward yourself/others, and proudly tell yourself/others : “nothing comes in perfection, perfection often comes in with prices (exercises, determination, discipline, sustainability)”.

    Keep the efforts to achieve/maintain the ideal you. All the best in accepting the previous you and the current you are both the same of you (Could it be the similar meaning as “To be yourself” that they’re trying to said? Maybe.).


    1. Thank you C’kay for such encouraging comment. Truly appreciate all of your advice. I’m doing my best to accept and embrace my imperfections. Now I’m keeping track of all my photos, made sure they’re backed up *chuckles* will do my best on improving myself mentally and physically! 🙂


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